It's the proverbial "hell freezing over."
And I mean it.
I told the Toad that starting in January, he will begin paying rent. Not optional. I named a reasonable figure ($50/month--or $25/a pay) that doesn't EVEN come close to covering the cost of his continuing to live here.
Apparently, at the word, "RENT," he had an epiphany of his own.
He's agreed to work a few overnight shifts (still complaining about them, though.) He's shovelled the snow-covered sidewalks and brushed off my van. Without being asked. At 6:30 AM.
Be afraid. This, I fear, is one of the signs given in the Book of Revelations about the End of Time.
"It shall come to pass, that the sloth shall move quickly and exert effort on behalf of someone not-himself. He shall be helpful and respectful, and the righteous will quake with fear." Inert. 4:15
Okay, maybe not Revelations, but at least, I think, it's in Inertiates in the Apocrypha.
It also says:
"And truly I say to you, buggy things shall come forth and the stench of the whole shall cause retching in heaven, then the earth shall move and the sloth shall make himself, and his cave, clean." Inert. 7:2
and
"Yea, though I live in squalor and move not for man nor beast, I will fear the landlord. I will make ready the way of the shrew and her enforcer." Inert. 1:1
and
"In those days, the carpet shall be seen, the dust shall be pledged and his robes shall be washed in the neptune." Inert. 15:9
As you can see, there is much going on this holiday season in Mumpleland.
"And the Toaddites shall come to know peace by the power of Febreeze." Inert. 15:32
2 comments:
OH MY FLIPPING STARS! I am laughing so hard that both the dogs are looking at me like I've finally lost it and the bird is laughing along so loudly that my daughter was awakened from her death sleep. ROFL!
HI! I have been getting such a kick out of your comments on Burgh Baby that I had to pop over here and see where you live. FANTASTICLY FUN post!
I have grown sons and a 17 yo daughter, so I am right there with you on the whole thing. I had NO IDEA there was a BIBLE for this stuff, thouhg! Daaang! Why didn't they tell us THAT in Sunday school?? ROFL!!!
I will definitely be coming back. Often. And bringing friends!
ROFLMBO!!
Thanks for stopping by Damama! I will give credit where it's due: My Sweetie (who also tells me I'm going South when I die for this kind of free-lance Bible writing) helps sometimes with the verses and any rhyming that happens here.
He's more wicked than I am, but he's quieter about it (and he lets me type it up, so I'm the one who gets the blame--smart man.)
Glad you came by!
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