Need To Know

You all need to know that there's a contest--today only--at Burgh Baby. Go there, and to her 9/11 Memorial post, because I said so.

The *New & Improved* PTA

So, I went to the meeting. I was, as always, well behaved.

After listening to the Prez blather for about 15 minutes, and the ensuing fun of voting for an executive board that wasn't there--3 out of 6 people nominated didn't even bother to come--I made my first suggestion.

We're a small enough group, could we go around the room and introduce ourselves?

You'd have thought I invented pre-sliced bread.

And the fun didn't end there. I got to say "no" twice!!! to being the secretary.

But that's not all I've won!

At one point, the Prez opened the floor for discussion: She wanted ideas--ANY ideas at all, that might make the PTA better.

So, after a mind-blowing five minutes of silence, I suggested:

1) Change the time to 6:30pm. It's difficult to make a 6pm meeting after work.

2) Get name tags, so that it'll be easier for us to get to know each other (and remember names!)

3) Use a "sign in" sheet, so that ANYONE who is attending their first meeting can receive a "Thanks for coming" phone call from the membership committee, with an invite to contact a specific person if needed

4) Add a full event calendar to the newsletter (I was asked to take on that albatross, too LOL)--if not for the full year, at least for 2 or 3 months. This will enable parents to plan ahead for meetings, events, volunteering, whatever. Any dates that haven't been set yet, or that can't be set yet (the end-of-year picnic can't be set until we know when the last day of school is) can be listed under it's usual month with TBA following. " *Dates and Times Subject to Change " can be added under the heading so that any changes can be made, without disturbing the natural order.

5) Send TWO reminders for the meetings--one a week before and one the week of. It will help get parents who are pressed for time, unorganized, or who need babysitting time to make plans to come.

Seriously, you'd think this was rocket science.

The Prez is a suck-up. She started a sign-up sheet going around before I was done speaking.

Oh! I dodged the secretary bullet, but did volunteer to work with another mom on a "Spring Fling." On May Day '09, we'll have a *party* to celebrate spring and the end of the annual testing. I need 372+ peat pots, dirt to fill 'em, and seeds.

While I am excellent at saying, "No" and meaning it, I am also a glutton for punishment.

Can I Get An "AMEN" To That?

Taking the Howler to school is usually a nightmare. It's Hell--paybacks for all the inconveniencing things I've ever done, in my entire lifetime, that infuriated and frustrated others.

Morning Drop Off time is, contrary to what these parents think, NOT the time to bond with your child over a long conversation, NOT the time to look for the gum wrapper you dropped on the floor two days ago, NOT the time to balance your checkbook. It's also not the time to be on the phone, or typing on your laptop, check the air in your tires, fine-tune your radio selections.

Allow me to prioritize for you: First and foremost, there are children--some not even as high as your gas-guzzling, natural resource depleting SUV bumper--walking, unprotected from stupidity such as yours, into the building. And, by gum, they are children, so they're probably not looking to see if some idiot is going to crush them with an over priced status symbol that is roughly the same size as Rhode Island. Second, we all have the same purpose--to drop our children off at school with as little hassle and frustration as possible . Third, our time is as important as yours--maybe more so, because some of us remember what we learned in Kindergarten: wait your turn, try not to hurt anyone, be considerate of others, and no one is the center of the universe.

The Howler is in her second year of school, and I have been utterly astounded by the sheer self-centeredness and stupidity that abounds in that parking lot in the mornings.

Today, however, I saw something that gives me hope.

There were orange cones blocking the favorite gathering place of the most stupid among us.

The five parking spots that are closest to the school were blocked from use. Your choices for dropping off your children this morning were:

A) Queue up and wait your turn
OR
B) Line up and wait your turn

Either way, you were not going to be a hazard to the people, especially the children, around you. You were not going to be cutting line, waddling around your car looking for that flip-flop you lost at the beach 4 months ago, talking with your child for 5 minutes until everyone near you wanted to take their flip-flops (which weren't lost) and beat you more senseless than you already are.

It was nice to be able to get into a line, move forward when appropriate, say "have a good day" to the Howler, AND get out of the parking lot without hearing about how J's grandma, or C's mom doesn't follow the rules about drop off. I also didn't have to worry that some idiot was going to try to pull out in front of me.

Hallelujah!

Things I Learned From My Daughter

About a year or so ago, I wrote about one of the things I learned from the Howler.

Today, I learned a new one.

At bedtime, we lay out the clothes she is to wear the next day. It saves time, and nerves, in the mornings. Plus, there are no longer any surprises for us (okay, there are still a few, but it's usually about whether or not *today* underwear is optional) when she comes downstairs and wants to go outside to play.

Last night, I put out a red skort and matching red top, and added red socks. She said she wouldn't wear it. I asked why.

"Because J and B will make fun of me! They call me 'red ant' and hit me with the straps from my backpack!"

Now, I'm not overly impressed with either of these chicklets--they're both prissy, and they both seem to enjoy trying to make the Howler miserable. (This is what I meant earlier when I said the crap from girls is starting.)

I also thought back. She hasn't worn this particular outfit very often, maybe three times, and each time, I can remember walking out of the school with her saying to one of these girls, "You stop hitting me all the time. I don't like it and it's not nice!"

So, I thought about it. I got mad. I got sad. And then, this morning, when I woke the Howler up, I talked to her about why she thought they might do that, and why I thought they might do that.

I told the Howler how very much I like her--she's strong, independent, unique, thoughtful, friendly, smart, and fun. And how very proud I am of who she is.

I also told her that she looks good in this outfit, and nobody--not J, not B, not NOBODY--should be telling her what she can wear. If she likes it, and feels good in it, then she should wear it. She doesn't have to dress, or be, like anybody else, ever. She doesn't have to make decisions based on what some other little girl thinks.

I also told her that if they call her "red ant" and hit her with backpack straps, she needs to tell them loudly and clearly, by name, to stop it. And if they don't, find a teacher and talk with the teacher about it.

She got dressed, and happily went off to school.

I went in today, prepared to do battle. I looked first, to see if either of these two prisses were near her, and if so, what was going on.

Turns out, my girl is smart. My girl is grand. My girl is spectacular!

She was sitting next to J (no B in sight.) And once outside the first door, I asked the Howler if they did those things today.

She told me that they didn't, because she talked to Jand said: J, I don't like it when you call me 'red ant' and hit me with backpack straps. And J said, 'Well, if you tell me you don't want me to, then I'll stop and not do it again'. So I told her, "J, that's what I'm telling you. I don't like it, and I don't want you to call me that EVER.

Then, afterschool, we stayed so she could play at the playground. There's a creek that runs by the school, and it has lured her into it's algae covered non-depths many a day...despite my warnings, threats, and consequences.

Today, my Howler swings, she slides, she runs and hangs and jumps. She wanders over to watch a boy from her grade play in the water. She doesn't leave the mulch covered area--never so much as a toe over the line. I didn't even remember to tell her to stay out of the creek.

She stood there, on the edge for about a minute: then she turned and ran back to the monkey bars. About 15 minutes later, she walks up to me and says, "Okay, Mommy, I'm ready to go home now."

My girl is fan-flipping-tastic. She takes my breath away.

Who Are The People in Your Neighborhood?

We have, over this summer, collected quite an interesting set of neighbors. Of course, some of them have been around for a while, but we now have more-than-waving-hello contact with them.



Allow me to introduce them:



The Adults (whether they act like it or not)



Squirrel Bait: mother to Loser Boy, grandmother to Dollie; lives a few houses down; responsible for the head lice outbreak (by hosting her infested grandchildren); friend of my own mother



Loser Boy: has custody of his daughter, Dollie, ex-military misogynist, drunk most of every weekend; demanding, bullying, selfish; lives immediately next to his mother, parent of 1/2 of the Urchins



Loser Lover: Loser Boy's live-in, works looooong hours, little clue as to Loser Boy's parenting skills, mother of Waif, the other 1/2 of the Urchins



Aunty Em: Good friend of my Sweetie, adopted Aunty of the Howler (and several other neighborhood children); owner of Grace-dog and Blackman (cat); recently transplanted herself into our neighborhood



Dude: Young divorced father of the Wolf Clan; works long hours, golfs, and owns a "4 foot pool"--the focal point of summer days

Gram & Pop B: grandparents of the 4 Bs; reside between my house and Dude's

Mr & Mrs Mumple: your lucky lucky commentator


The Children

The Urchins
Waif: girl, age 8, daughter of Loser Lover, first in our neighborhood to harbor the vermin head lice
Dollie: girl, age 6, daughter of Loser Boy, granddaughter of Squirrel Bait

The Wolf Clan
Dude, Jr: age 8, son of Dude, likes to trip people and torment the girls
Missy: age 6 or 7 (it's never been made clear, but she's in 1st grade), daughter of Dude
Cutie: age 5, son of Dude

The Bs
Bully: boy, age 7, is sneaky, disrespectful of authority
Blondie: girl, age 6, Bully's younger sister, likes to call people "fat" and "stupid" and is the Howler's BFF or BF unless there's someone better around, which is the same thing, really
Busy: boy, age 7, very busy, very physical
Bike: boy, age 5, called "Mumbles" by Mr Mumple because when he talks, he's hard to understand, loves to ride bikes--any bike, any time

Extras
Devil: boy, age approximately 4, grandson of the Mr & Mrs Barstool (the people who live on the other side of us, whose contact with us is minimal, and usually involves us watching them stagger to or from the bar on the corner), little-to-no supervision

Typhoid Girls: ages 14, 13, and 8, Squirrel Bait granddaughters, usually come when infested with contagions, such as head lice and ringworm

Now, the Howler's summer was spent hanging out and swimming at Dude's pool. Dude fed the Howler and all & sundry neighborhood children (and sometimes, adults, too) many Saturdays. His children come every weekend, and the Howler is always on pins-and-needles until Missy shows up, but these Wolf children come wild. It's more from a lack of supervision with their mother--and the indifference she shows to being a parent (a feral cat would be a better mother than she is), unless she's growing one and preparing for it to get here. The kids settle down some once they get here, and my biggest complaint is that the eldest--Dude, Jr seems to have a thing for tripping people. And they all three lie (which, again, comes from their mother)

Unfortunately for those who think that I'm judging this woman (aka Everpregnant--she has recently given birth to baby #6...and is probably already planning the 7th) her family is related to my Sweetie's sociopathic ex. And she exhibits much of the same behavior witnessed from that piece of work. Also, much of what we know about her is either first hand experience, observations of her children (and some of their "off-hand" comments), and stories from others who know her well.

The Urchins, on the other hand, have their own set of drawback parents. Loser Lover works too many hours (almost as if she's hoping to not have to go home) to know that Loser Boy has locked these girls out of the house so he could sleep off a hangover. He grounds them over stupid things (yes, again, this is my opinion, but grounding two little girls for sisterly fighting for two weeks is ridiculous). They also don't get regular meals when Loser Boy is holding down the fort. They spend a lot of time not being allowed inside, not even for a glass of water, even on extremely hot days. They don't get snacks. They don't get lunches in the summer (he's been overheard to comment, "They got breakfast. They'll get supper. They don't need more than that.") Even if you can hear their stomachs growling across the room. He also will refuse to allow anyone else to feed them, and will ground them if he catches a trace of fruit snacks on their breaths. (In other words, he won't feed 'em, but no one else should either.)

Loser Boy made some choice comments to me, about me, earlier this summer. He must have accidentally overheard me talking about it to Aunty Em, because he now avoids me like the plague. (My response to his one obnoxious observation was that his opinion didn't count, said in tone and manner that made it clear he was in over his head if a War of Wits broke out.)

Squirrel Bait is as selfish as Loser Boy. She would rather see Dollie and Waif sit in a car while their parents have to work, than watch them. "I can't be tied down" she keeps insisting. She goes no where and does very little. She smokes and she watches countless hours of TV. When the Typhoids were last over they not only had marginally treated ringworm, she locked them out of the house, then got mad (after initially presenting an unconcerned presense) when the youngest Typhoid got hit in the head with a rock. She lied to Loser Lover about what happened, and never bothered to mention the head lice (earlier this summer) or the ringworm. Lover heard about BOTH from us, AFTER the Typhoids had spend many hours in her house, rolling in the grass with the Urchins.

Squirrel Bait is leaving the neighborhood by November, but I feel very confident she will be back, in some form or another in the Spring.

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you already know about Blondie. Click the link on her name, above, and scan it. It's great. It's prompted me to begin reading up on how to counter the assholishness of children.

This summer prompted me to make sure that Dude Jr and Bully don't spend time together in my yard. Bully, Bike, and Blondie were single-handedly responsible for my shrieking about riding their bikes on my patio. I told them, I staged road blocks...and still they came and rode. It wasn't that the bikes, per se were on the patio, but the $140 in solar powered patio lights that had already survived one full set of seasons were being threatened. (I had to go out of my way to get these replacements a year ago--I knew I'd be shelling out more money for all new if I didn't stop the insanity.) And, of course, Bully was partially behind some of the pointedly bullying games and conversations directed at the Howler.

Of course, the Howler had a fantastic summer. Swimming, playing, riding bikes, and in general, running loose in the neighborhood with a pack of mostly-friendly wild indians. And we, as her parents, got a front row seat to the insanity that is summer filled with children.

So, this particular post has been 3 months in the making. Was it worth it?

Ahhh, I forgot

So, back to school also means back to PTA.

Just when you thought it was safe to read this blog again. Bwhahahahahahahahaha.

The first newsletter came home, and in it, some surprises. (Yes, because we forgot too.)

Anyway, what it basically says is that the membership drive begins at the Open House on the Thursday the 25th. The problem with that is that Open House was to be tonight (Thank you, IKE, for that reprieve!)

I'm shocked AND surprised at this.

But, read on! It gets better.

The prez goes on to say that you have to fill out a form, and submit it if you're interested in being on any of the committees. Even if you want to be a Homeroom Mom. It strikes me as hilarious that a position that in the past (for all of my awareness and knowledge) they have to BEG people to take, and now, they apparently will *approve* you--but only if you send in this form.

Oh, and the first meeting is this Thursday. I can't wait.

Back to School

These days, I am reminded (as if I needed it) why I hate people.

These people in the parking lot are idiots.

On the second day of school, I pull into the line to drop off the Howler. This is considered appropriate drop off behavior.

Sitting behind the front car for four minutes while the child being dropped off stands next to an open SUV door is annoying. It's especially annoying in that this may actually cause my child to be late--and it's not because we're running late.

We got to the school in plenty of time--barring stupidity on someone else's part.

Am I being overly critical to think that if you need to have a conversation with your child beyond the "have a good day" and "I love you" variety, you should either do it earlier (or later) in the day, or pull OUT of the line and into a parking spot? If your child has misplaced something inside the car in the time it takes you to reach the school, shouldn't you consider, even for a moment, that there are others around you who not only don't care, but who shouldn't be subjected to your spawn's carelessness? It's akin to getting to the express lane with several more items than allowed and counting out $10 in pennies from the bottom of your purse.

The parking lot is dangerous enough for children and sane people, adding deliberate self-centered behaviors should be punished--severely.