Choices

Things don't get easier as the children get older. No matter what lies you've been told to the contrary.

I have the choice of not letting the Toad go to Church Camp, or in letting him go. Considering the things he's been doing (and not doing) lately, allowing him a *reward* is not an option. No rewards for crappy disrespectful lazy behavior.

BUT (God, it's like BUT is my middle name these days) he does truly believe he has a call, and spending time surrounded by good Christian people may help put him right.

What do I do? How do I choose? I how do I choose between what could be considered a *reward* and what may be necessary for him in his Christian life?

I honestly don't know.

Nothing we do or say changes his behavior--except to make him keep himself hidden away in his room, away from us. We are at our wits end with this.

Either way, it's going to cost us loads--in self-doubt, in cash, and in stress. I'm stumped, and that doesn't happen often.

On top of everything else, I don't need this.

How am I supposed to choose between two equally right AND wrong (at the same time!) choices?

Am I the only one faced with this kind of thing?

The self-doubt and uncertainty of the whole thing irritates me to no end also. So much feels like it's up in the air, waiting to land on my head.

Dammit!

The View

The Howler, at some point last December, got hold of a single use camera. God-alone knows where it came from in this house, or why she had it as long as she did.

It resurfaced, and like the genius I am, I assumed it was the most recent one I had purchased to take some pics at church. I took it to be developed. I picked it up today, thinking that I'll be able to get busy on the activities page for the church directory I'm supposed to be working on.

HAH!

Yet again, I am foiled by Mumple luck.

I can pin point December, because the Christmas decorations were up (some lovely close ups of the nutcrackers and a Santa ornament). Several pictures of the green grass outside, also.

And, of course, the obligatory self-portrait--God how I love the pics straight up her nose. It's truly the most stunning part of her entire face: her nasal passages.

Kevin saw the pics after supper. He gets rather excited by envelopes of newly developed pictures, and not to deny him this, I said nothing except to say that I picked them up today.He begins looking at them, snorting and laughing. The Howler rushes to see what the ruckus is about...and immediately denies ever having touched any camera, ever.

Of course, I have been known to take pictures of Wubbzy and Dora (and two of Boots) when they are on the TV screen. And I've already told you how much I adore the shots directly up the Howler's nose.

The pictures of her reflection on the window of her bedroom as she snaps a few of the back yard were definitely (not) her. rotflmao.Now, I'm going to have to learn how to post pictures, just to share them.

My work is never (sigh) done.

Sense of Humor

I needed to get the Howler off the computer, and I ended up showing the Toad this blog. At the entry Toad Funk he begins laughing so hard he can't see or breathe. Yes, it was about HIM. He said I was horrible, but he kept laughing.

He laughed out loud at some of the other entries, but that one seemed to have the most impact. I told him to search the blog and see if there was something--anything--in here that I haven't said TO him. He couldn't find one.

The only flaw seems to be that I failed to call his friend Jerkwood "creepy". So, he's also learned that I am not perfect. What a blow it must be to him.

So, for those who are out there who think that I'm truly horrible--and who aren't laughing--if the guy it was about thought it was funny, why don't you? What's wrong with you that you don't have a sense of humor? Did it break, was it too expensive? What?

Good Days & Bad Days

Kevin and I learned something new on Thursday night.

The Howler had a concert at preschool, and it's always fun to see the little ones in their concerts. We dropped her off in her classroom. We stopped to chat a minute with her teacher, Mrs. K and tell her about the Howler's prayers earlier in the week.

We all had a good chuckle over it, but Mrs. K had some *news* to share with us also.

Apparently, on the day they were discussing "good days" and "bad days", and how to deal with them, the Howler informed her class, "Sometimes, you know, I'm having a really good day. And then my parents ruin it."

All Kevin can do is laugh maniacally and say, "Well, at least we know it's working."

Bedtime Prayers

The Howler, by this time, is doing well learning and saying her prayers at bedtime. She has added the adventure of "special prayers". These are ones that she makes up, following in the example we have set for her, from pre-dinner prayers to "special prayers" said for her benefit at bedtime.

A few nights ago, after her usual prayers (Now I Lay Me, I See The Moon, and the Lord's Prayer) she began:

Dear Heabenly Fadder, Thank you for dis wonderful day. It was a good one. Well, watch over my family and friends and keep dem safe. Take care of my brother, you know, duh Toad, and Mommy and Daddy when dey drive in duh morning in duh freakin' frost. Keep dem safe. Well, anyway, thank you again for dis wonderful day, and send us 89 hundreds more. In Jesus' name, Amen.

While we have all be delivered safely through said freakin' frost and we do appreciate it, and I have been assured that ANY language is appropriate for prayer. Somehow, I just don't think the experts encountered the word freakin' in this context before saying that.

I Love Him, BUT

I want to beat him more senseless than he already is.

This is very hard for me. In some ways, for some things, I am so very proud of him, and can see that yes, he is a terrific person. But in others...

He treats Kevin and I like crap. He lies, and recently, he *borrowed* money to buy stupid-ass Magic The Gathering cards. The idiot. He took the money AFTER I handed him much moola in a short period of time.

Since he turned 18, we've given him a lot of freedom. Not that he uses it. And, we're lucky that he's not doing drugs, or drinking, or telling us we'll be grandparents soon.

BUT (This is going to be a theme here), he's also NOT looking for a job. The musical was over last month. EARLY last month. He has applied at all of 3 places, and has lied about applying at several more, which causes us to question whether or not he put his name in anywhere, at any time.

I've told him that I won't pay his insurance past this month. My mother is still filling up his gas tank, and he's feeding her lies and excuses why it needs filled. He has stated, "I don't want to work--it'll cut into my free time."

As if ANY OF US wants to WORK! Geez! Work is essential to those of us who are not Rockefellers or Hiltons in order to have things like food and electric. DUH. This is not a hard thing to figure out.

I'm at my wits end. I don't want advice; I want a big stick.

One of THOSE Days

So, yesterday we had a thing to be at for church. Toad, being an adult, also went.

I liked him yesterday. Church things always make me like him. I liked him still this AM.

Then, after we got home, he left, without checking the air in his car tires (he walked). Kevin went to check it, and discovered 4 blank applications for jobs.

I do not like him now.

He was up and waiting for me when I got home from work.

When I informed him that the gravy train stops THIS MONTH, and he HAS to get a job, he asked me if we were pulling the plug on his electricity in his room. And then, the big dummy proceeds to inform me of what *might happen* if we do pull the electric from his room.

It sounded vaguely like a threat--to wake me up at 4am because HE is up then, and since he doesn't have electricity in his room, he'll need to *thump and bump* his way through the house to find out what time it is.

Is he really this stupid? To threaten the ugly she-bear with a 4am wake up *call* because HE isn't looking for a job? Does he think that I would tolerate him threatening me?

I informed him that IF it ever came to that, and he did see fit to wake up Kevin or I, being chucked out and having to live with the squirrels would be PREFERABLE to what I would do to him otherwise.

I can't believe that he was stupid enough to threaten me!

He's such a jerk sometimes.

Conversations

Mommy.

Yes, Howler?

Mommy?

What?

Mommy.

Mommy.

Mommy.

What do you need, Howler?

Mommymommymommymommymommy.

YES?!

Mommy.

What?

Mommy. Mommy. Maaaahhhhhhhmeeeeeeeeeee. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy.

I'm changing my name.

To what, Mommy?

Nunya.

You're changing your name to 'Nunya'? What does that mean?

It means, 'nunya biznez.' I'm not telling you.

Please Mommy?

I'm not Mommy.

Yes, you are.

No, I'm not.

Oh.

Mommy?

I'm not Mommy.

*mumple*?

lol. What, sweetie.

Are you Mommy again?